Courtroom Testimony

LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything?
WITNESS: After the accident?
LAWYER: Before the accident.
WITNESS: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

LAWYER: Do you drink when you're on duty?
WITNESS: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.

LAWYER: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
WITNESS: I went to Europe, sir.
LAWYER: And you took your new wife?

LAWYER: So you were gone until you returned?

LAWYER: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

LAWYER: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
WITNESS: She is my daughter.
LAWYER: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

LAWYER: What is your marital status?
WITNESS: Fair.

The Court: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.

LAWYER: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

LAWYER: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas.
WITNESS: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

LAWYER: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

LAWYER: Are you married?
WITNESS: No, I'm divorced.
LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
WITNESS: A lot of things I didn't know about.