(Dis)order In The Court


Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."


Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
Witness: "'Winchester'!"


Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
Witness: "After the accident?"
Lawyer: "Before the accident."
Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."


Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"


Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"


Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"


Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"


Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."


Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge (addressing the public denfender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?
By the Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.


From the Dallas Morning News:
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:

"an intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'"

"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury.