Quotes


Judge: Had you been drinking that day? Alcohol, I mean?

Defendant: Uh-huh.

Lawyer: Answer it audibly.

Judge: Had you been drinking alcohol that day?

Defendant: Audibly.

...actual courtroom testimony


A person shall not be treated as suffering from physical disablement such that he is either unable to walk or virtually unable to do so if he is not unable or virtually unable to walk with a prosthesis or an artificial aid which he habitually wears or uses or if he would not be unable or virtually unable to walk if he habitually wore or used a prosthesis or an artificial aid which is suitable in his case.

...from a Department of Health and Social Services report, explaining mobility allowances for the disabled


You wrote that I was a recluse rapist. I'm not a recluse.

...boxer Mike Tyson, in a protest letter to a columnist


Pizza counter clerk: Hey, you look like Adam Sandler.

Actor Adam Sandler: Yeah, I know.

Clerk: What's your name?

Sandler: Adam Sandler.

Clerk: Whoa, that's a coincidence!


Is the south boundary of the north half of the southeast quarter of the northwest quarter the same line as the north boundary of the south half of the southeast quarter of the northwest quarter?

...asked by a lawyer, as recorded in court testimony


Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees.

...horse racing announcer Stewart Machin, on jockey Tony McCoy