They Said It!

I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.
...Michigan State football coach Duffy Daugherty

Excerpts from Resumes

Judge: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?

Witness: I do.

Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?

Witness: Sure. My side will win.

Family Feud host Richard Dawson: A number you have to memorize.

Contestant: 7

The body was found dismembered, tied into a sack, and floating in the bay. I'll be right back with more sports in a moment!
...from a nightly newscast

Lawyer: What about the research?

Witness: I don't think there is any research on that. There's a logical hunch that may be true, but I know of no research study that would support that.

Lawyer: What about common sense?

Witness: Well, I'm not here using common sense. I'm here as an expert.

Reporter: What did you major in in college?

Sen Carol Moseley Brown (D-Illinois), who had just announced she was going to run for president: I'm going to guess it was political science, but I'm not sure. It might have been history. I'll check. I hadn't thought of that one.

From a citizen self-reporting form from the Madison, Wisconsin, Police Department...

Did you give consent for someone to steal or damage your property?
Yes (  )  No (  )