Quotes

Oh, I don't eat buffalo.
...Jessica Simpson -- after being offered a buffalo wing


Sportscaster Al Michaels:
Well, it appears that he has pulled his groin.

Sportscaster John Madden:
And it's a shame, it's such a great groin.


Witness: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.

Lawyer: It was covered?

Witness: Yes, bandaged.

Lawyer: Then, later on...what did you see?

Witness: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.


Q: What's the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?

A: The color.
...actual answer given on a driving school exam


Q: Miss, were you cited in the accident?

A: Yes, sir, I was so 'cited I peed all over myself.
...actual courtroom testimony


People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader.
...action film star Steven Seagal


You've done a nice job decorating the White House.
...Jessica Simpson, to secretary of the interior Gale Norton while on a tour of the White House