The Wisdom of George Carlin
In Honor of His Passing
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self help section?" She
said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around
to hear him ... is he still wrong?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?