A Good Pun Is Its Own Re-word

Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.


A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.


Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.


A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.


Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.


I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.


Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.


A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


Corduroy pillows are making headlines.


Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?


Sea captains don't like crew cuts.


Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.


Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.


Without geometry, life is pointless.


When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.


Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.


A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.


When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.


A backwards poet writes inverse.


In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.


A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.


When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.


The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.


A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.


You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.


He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key


Every calendar's days are numbered.


A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.


A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.


He had a photographic memory that was never developed.


The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.


Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.


Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine .


When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.


Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.


Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


Acupuncture is a jab well done.


And finally:
One who prefers riding in a buggy to studying philosophy is putting the Descartes before the horse.