Deep Thoughts for the New Year
For You Who Take Life Way Too Seriously
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- A day without sunshine is like ... night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
- OK ... so what's the speed of dark?
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- What happens if you get scared half to death ... twice?
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
- Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
- Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear
- Life isn't like a box of chocolates ... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you
do today might burn your butt tomorrow.